How to Accept Myself

My name is Roger Jackson. I'm sixty-three years old, and I wasted forty of those years wishing I was someone else.

I was an alcoholic from twenty-two to forty-eight. Twenty-six years of blackouts, broken promises, and bridges burned. I lost two marriages, three jobs, and more friendships than I can count. I spent those years hating myself—which, ironically, gave me a great excuse to keep drinking.

Sobriety didn't fix everything. I expected to get sober and suddenly like myself. That's not how it works. The drinking stopped, but the person in the mirror was still the same guy who'd done all those things. Accepting him—accepting myself—that was a different journey entirely.

It's been fifteen years since my last drink. In that time, I've worked with hundreds of people in recovery, and here's what I've noticed: the ones who make it aren't the ones who become someone new. They're the ones who finally accept who they've always been.

This wiki is about that. Not changing yourself into someone acceptable. Accepting the self you already are—including the parts you wish were different.

Where to Start

If you're struggling to accept yourself:

The Things We Can't Accept — Start by naming them.
Why Self-Acceptance Feels Like Giving Up — It isn't. Here's why.
The Paradox of Acceptance — You change most by accepting what is.

If you've made mistakes:

Accepting Your Past — You can't change it. Now what?
When You're The Problem — Sometimes we are. That's still okay.
Living With What You Did — Not denial. Not punishment. Something in between.

If you're fighting yourself:

The War Inside — Why we turn against ourselves.
The Inner Critic — That voice isn't helping. Here's how to quiet it.
Befriending Your Flaws — They're part of the package.

If you want peace:

What Self-Acceptance Actually Looks Like — It's not what you think.
The Serenity of Acceptance — The thing they talk about in meetings.
Growing While Accepting — You can do both.

A Note on This Wiki

I didn't come to self-acceptance through therapy or meditation or some spiritual breakthrough. I came to it through exhaustion. I got tired of hating myself. Tired of running. Tired of pretending to be someone I wasn't.

The relief when I finally stopped fighting—I can't describe it. It wasn't happiness exactly. It was more like setting down a weight I'd been carrying for decades.

This wiki is for people who are carrying that weight. Who are tired of the war. Who want to know if there's another way.

There is. It's not easy. But it's simpler than you'd think.

— Roger Jackson, finally at peace with the man in the mirror